There's life after the premiere.

It’s a beautiful sky over London tonight that makes me think of summer. I realize I haven’t written any blog posts in a while and I have so much to share I don’t know where to start.

The two weeks before the premiere were really difficult. My body didn’t cope with the situation and the illnesses and wanted me to stay in bed, but I couldn’t and just had to push myself forward to finish the creation and the three shows. A four-hour commute per day, eight hours at work, eat and sleep. It was tough and I questioned my whole circus career, to be honest I questioned pretty much everything; myself as an acrobat and artist, living in London, my health, my social abilities, the future…

It all had its peak when I hurt my back on the last show and afterwards when I lay in the quiet dressing room whilst the others were out meeting their relatives and friends I thought; I don’t have anything more to give. I’m finished. I lay on a spike mat, feeling the warmth spreading in my aching back, relaxing for the first time in weeks. Tears run down my face and I thought; this is a crazy life, do I still have the strength and the will to fight like this? 

Then we went out with the Mimbre women to have a burger and a beer and I suddenly felt a true belonging to this company. The achievement we reached together, the hard work, the laughs, the creativity, the stress and the joy of performing. Already the day after I started to feel like myself again and I understood how tired I had been.

Now I’ve had a week of rest and I’m happy. The premiere is done! I can see things clearly! I’m still tired and recovering slowly from the coughing, the throat ache and the fatigue but I love my work. I love the circus life even if it’s completely stupid sometimes. I love the art and performances we produce and give to the world. I love the people, the big top, the nomadic life, the applause, the creativity and the travels.

This week we’re back to calmer technical training with the trio, I’ve been helping out at the Mimbre office and now I have to catch up with the administrative work for Circus By Me. Not to forget the preparation of the production for the children’s show “Once upon a time…”

It is all about finding the perfect balance!

Photos by Marco Berardi

25 apr 2014